Reality Island

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Dancing with the Stars 4, May 22: And the Winner Is…
by Jill Jones -- 05/23/2007

It’s the final night of Dancing with the Stars. But unlike some shows, it’s not just two hours of filler – there is one final scored dance for our final three! OK, so that makes it almost two hours of filler. But we still get to find out who wins!

Tonight the stage is set for the finals of Dancing with the Stars. Along the way, the couples overcame obstacles and did things in their own unique way to capture the hearts, and votes, of the viewing audience. Will Apolo, Joey, or Laila be named the champion? If we've made it this far, we can make it through another two hours of filler to find out the answer to that question.

Tom and Samantha – say it with me – welcome us to the program. Can I just tell you that Samantha is busting out all over? My boyfriend takes notice.

All of the couples that have been eliminated from the competition are introduced and perform a couple of dance moves. Of course, Heather flips and shimmies. Oh, and Ian does a crotch slide into the camera. Fun.

Tom and Samantha review the action from the night before. Instead of listening to them and getting annoyed, just read my recap; Yoko and I are much calmer than the judges.

Next, they review the current standings:

RANKING STAR SCORE JILL’S RANKING
1 Apolo 58 2
2 Joey 56 3
3 Laila 55 1

Don’t forget; the couples will be performing one last scored dance tonight, so the standings may change drastically.

Tom and Samantha look back on the previous seasons of the show, even though Samantha wasn’t around for the first season. I’ll spare you the pain and give you the highlights of all of the segments.

Kelly Monaco says she was embarrassed to tell people she was doing the show.

Drew Lachey feels the Dancing with the Stars tour was like being with 98 Degrees again, but there were fewer panties thrown on stage.

Emmitt Smith jokingly suggests that the producers give the champion a better trophy.

The professionals now perform to “It’s Oh So Quiet.” The routine is elegant, but Edyta manages to sex it up a bit. I so love her!

Samantha informs us that being the champion of Dancing with the Stars is a big responsibility. Seriously?

The finalists are introduced. This is taking forever; I think I just dozed off.

Up first tonight are Julianne and Apolo. Julianne explains that the couples get to choose their dance and only the judges will be scoring it. She and Apolo feel that nobody noticed their major error when they did the paso doble the first time during the season. Uh, yeah, a lot of people noticed, but that’s OK; Julianne and Apolo are adorable.

They perform to “Clementine.” The dance is fabulous even though there are a few minor missteps. It is obvious that Apolo is giving it 100%; his moves are crisp and sharp.

Len loves the fact that Apolo always comes back strongly after getting harsh criticism. Carrie Ann compliments the couple on its chemistry. Bruno says that it is great to watch Julianne and Apolo.

Each judge gives the routine a goober. For tonight’s dance, Julianne and Apolo have 30 points. They now have 88 points out of 90 from the judges. This makes up half of their final score; the other half will come from the viewers’ votes.

Kym and Joey are set to perform. They decide to do the tango tonight. I hope to never see Joey’s lightsaber again after this.

The couple dances to the theme from Star Wars. Joey has certainly improved since the start of the season, but I think he still looks stiff. This dance didn’t do anything for me at the start of the season and I still feel the same way. In fact, I’m watching people in the audience more than I’m watching Kym and Joey.

Bruno compliments Joey on his butt. Carrie Ann appreciates that Joey brings something special to each dance. Len tells Joey that the dance was great. I guess I’m just dead inside when it comes to Joey.

Each judge awards the dance a goober. The couple earns 30 points and has a total of 86 points.

The final dance in the finals is from Laila and Maksim. She wants to perform a dance that didn’t earn them a perfect score the first time around. Laila wears leg warmers.

They do the mambo to “Maracaibo Oriental.” This was one of my favorite dances from the couple because it was done early in the season and they nailed it – at least in my opinion. Laila and Maksim still seem to enjoy performing it. The routine also allows Laila to show off her sassy side.

Carrie Ann tells Laila that she’s proud of her. Len tells Laila that no matter what is said to her, she always makes a comeback. Bruno talks a lot and basically says that he enjoyed the dance.

Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno all give the dance a goober. Laila and Maksim have 30 points for their final dance and 85 points overall.

The judging is a joke at this point. There, I said it! People are earning too many goobers. Even Yoko is upset about the goobers.

Tom and Samantha review the rankings after the final dance. Mine stay the same:

RANKING STAR SCORE JILL’S RANKING
1 Apolo 88 2
2 Joey 86 3
3 Laila 85 1

Next, the stars’ friends and family talk about them and their desire to win. This is pure filler, but I will note that JC Chasez looks like a turnip. What happened to him?

It’s time to reveal the couple that has been eliminated from the competition before the final two. Unfortunately, it is Laila and Maksim. Laila says that the experience has been great. She talks about how wonderful Maksim is and then says that she’s pissed. Ha! The producers show us clips from Laila and Maksim throughout the season. They are an unconventional couple compared to some of the others in the competition, but they made it work. I’m sad.

Samantha talks to the Julianne and Apolo, and Kym and Joey. She asks them what they think of each other. Sigh.

The eliminated couples return to dance for us. It’s fun to look back on who was in the competition. I guess I blocked Leeza from my memory.

Jimmy Kimmel and Guillermo are back. They’re selling an instructional video on dancing. The funniest parts of the skit are the stars and their “endorsements.” Even Clay Aiken makes an appearance for a product called Guillermo’s Moustache. I actually laugh out loud.

Tom asks the eliminated stars about what they won’t miss. John bypasses the question and says he wants Tom’s job while Billy Ray promotes his album. Laila tells Tom that she’s still pissed.

The judges compare Apolo and Joey. I feel like I’m watching America’s Next Top Model and am looking at the final portfolios. Len refers to Joey as a showman, while Carrie Ann claims that Apolo has become the best technical dancer out of all of the athletes appearing on the show. Bruno states that Julianne and Apolo have great chemistry. Joey says that if he wins the disco ball trophy, he’s going to tease people with it.

Samantha talks to Kelly, Drew, and Emmitt. Kelly says that the energy in the studio is amazing. Drew tells the winner to enjoy the moment. Emmitt explains that he has officially become a ballroom dancer… to the fans.

The producers now show us clips of the final two couples. I’m so full of filler at this point that I don’t think I can take any more.

The time has come to reveal the new champions of Dancing with the Stars. Hooray! And the winners are…

Julianne and Apolo!

Apolo gives Joey props and thanks Julianne for her help. Joey thanks Kym for being his partner.

Tom hands the disco ball trophy to Julianne and Apolo. Much hugging and kissing ensues as the other dancers join the winners on the dance floor.